DIRECTOR: Gore Verbinski
CAST: Johnny Depp, Armie Hammer, William Fichtner, Tom Wilkinson, Ruth Wilson, Helena Bonham Carter, James Badge Dale, Barry Pepper
RUNNING TIME: 149 mins
CERTIFICATE: 12A
BASICALLY… A young lawyer (Hammer) teams up with a mysterious Native American tribesman (Depp) to bring about justice in the Wild West…
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NOW FOR THE REVIEW…
From the magical, enchanting world of Disney comes a gritty, overlong Western that features cold-blooded murder, corruption, destruction of property, prostitutes, the slaughtering of an entire Native American tribe, dead animals and a man cutting out another man’s heart before eating it.
Yeah, WHY did this bomb again?
Just saying that out loud, you can instantly spot everything that is wrong with The Lone Ranger. And before you raise the concern that the Pirates of the Caribbean movies were doing adult stuff on Disney’s property long before this film was even made, consider this… at least they were fun.
All their obvious flaws aside, the Pirates movies benefited from high-tier action, creativity, wit and ambition. While not perfect films by all means, there was no denying that the entertainment factor for each and every film (so far).
The Lone Ranger, on the other hand, is a complete mess. It never decides if it wants to be funny or dead serious half the time, swinging to and fro like a bipolar pendulum. One moment the dynamic between Johnny Depp’s amusing Tonto and Armie Hammer’s astonishingly dull John Reid/Lone Ranger is played for laughs – and to its credit their chemistry does make for the film’s funnier moments – but the next their lives are suddenly in danger and they have to work their way out of it. This constant back-and-forth makes it all seem rather lifelessness, a product of studio executives desperately trying to mix the entertainment of their Pirates franchise while simultaneously trying to recapture the dark and gritty tone of The Dark Knight.
Like 2011’s Cowboys and Aliens, it takes itself far too seriously (though not as much as Cowboys and Aliens did) which sacrifices any joy that could have been found here. Not helping is its angrily dark tone throughout, only extended by its ridiculously long two-and-a-half hour running time. Watching these characters’ brutal nature, including aforementioned heart-munching, as well as the dead-serious approach to half the stuff you’re watching, you realise that this movie is in desperate need of a hug or something, anything to lighten things up in this unpleasant and at times mean-spirited world our characters inhabit themselves in. By the time the film reaches its climax – a train fight set to the classical William Tell Overture from the serials, undoubtedly the highlight of the entire film – it’s too late to save it from completely spiralling into the dark abyss which it created for itself.
The framing device, which the film cuts back to every now and then, sees an aged Tonto (made possible thanks to some impressive make-up artistry) relay his adventures with the Lone Ranger to a young boy at a fair. If you were that kid, and you had to listen to this aged Native American tell you a story that isn’t fun for the most part, goes on and on with far too much violence and adult content, and then asks you to take it all seriously, you would probably ask the staff for your money back and go ride the Dodgems instead. At least they’re more entertaining.
SO, TO SUM UP…
The Lone Ranger is up there with Man of Steel as one of the year’s biggest disappointments, with its sour attitude and far too adult take on what should have been a fun, simple story about a cowboy and his sidekick. Hi-Yo Silver! (Go) Away!
