REVIEW: Assassin Club (dir. Camille Delamarre)

WHO’S IN ASSASSIN CLUB?

Henry Golding, Noomi Rapace, Daniela Melchior, Sam Neill, Claudio Del Falco, Jimmy Jean-Louis, Anastasia Doaga

WHO’S BEHIND THE CAMERA?

Camille Delamarre (director, editor), Thomas Dunn (writer), Kieran Corrigan, Jordan Dykstra, Todd Lundbohm, Emanuele Moretti and Ellen S. Wander (producers), Alexandre Azaria (composer), Matthew Chuang (cinematographer), Mickael Dumontier (editor)

WHAT’S IT ABOUT?

An assassin (Golding) finds himself targeted when he’s sent to kill seven other assassins…

WHAT ARE MY THOUGHTS ON ASSASSIN CLUB?

The one good thing to come from Assassin Club, from director and co-editor Camille Delamarre, is that it will most likely make the few critics who gave John Wick: Chapter 4 a negative reaction fall to their knees and beg for its forgiveness.

Other than that, this is an embarrassingly bad action thriller that falls into every generic trap imaginable, wastes a rather solid cast, and is so badly written and even worse directed and edited that it fails to even do the one thing it was supposed to do: entertain the audience.

In the film, Henry Golding is Morgan, a former Marine now working as a skilled assassin who – surprise, surprise – is looking for a way out of his deadly lifestyle so he can build a life with his girlfriend Sophie (The Suicide Squad’s Daniela Melchior). Before he can finally hang up his artillery for good, his handler Caldwell (Sam Neill) coerces him into One Last Job™, which involves him offing six other assassins who each come with a $1 million payout. The only problem, as Morgan quickly finds out, is that they are all trying to kill him too, for he is now part of an unnecessarily complicated game that involves revenge, betrayal, severed fingers, and whatever motivation that psychotic assassin Falk (Noomi Rapace) – who also seems to be moonlighting as a top-ranking government agent – seems to be working with.

Don’t bother asking about any of the other assassins, because they’re just as unimportant as the actual main characters are. Nobody in this film feels like an actual person, since they are either made up entirely of stock dialogue or the blandest possible personality, played by talented actors who greatly struggle to make their paper-thin characters here somewhat endearing. Henry Golding’s natural screen charisma can only take him so far as a frustratingly one-dimensional protagonist, Daniela Melchior is stuck in the utterly thankless “girlfriend” role, Noomi Rapace is… honestly, half the time I had no idea what she was trying to do here, rotating through various accents and acting styles like they’re in a Rolodex, and Sam Neill is clearly there for an easy paycheck, and judging by the same sets he seems to occupy he probably filmed all his scenes over a couple of days.

None of these actors are bringing their A-game to Assassin Club, but they’re hardly to blame when there is both a terrible script and incomprehensible direction dictating their ultimate acting choices. This screenplay, credited to Thomas Dunn, feels like it was crafted by AI software that was programmed to write the most generic and inconsequential action movie since the last terrible one, with dialogue so bad that it could legitimately pass as parody, and just about every familiar story beat you can think of. The script somehow feels both underwritten and overwritten, with a plot that becomes increasingly elaborate and more nonsensical as it goes along, factoring in certain reveals that end up going nowhere, multiple characters who serve little purpose other than to provide more dull exposition, and the flimsiest of stakes which leave you with even less reason to care.

Meanwhile, Delamarre – a former disciple of Luc Besson, having previously directed Brick Mansions and The Transporter Refuelled for the writer/producer, and edited other Besson projects like Taken 2 and Colombiana – delivers some of the most unwatchable action that has plagued the big screen in years. Every single scene where there is some form of stylised movement is accompanied by camerawork so shaky that it completely distorts your peripheral vision, and much of it is also shot at the dead of night or in darkly lit rooms so half the time you can’t even see who is fighting who. The filmmaking here is so disastrous that watching characters simply walk through a supermarket picking out their shopping is disorientating, with editing (which Delamarre also provides with co-editor Mickael Dumontier) that barely clings onto a shot for more than a couple of seconds. Sometimes, there will be a quick change of shots for no reason, like one where a character simply gets out of a car, and then suddenly cuts to another angle of the exact same moment as soon as the door is slammed shut; it’s not just pointless, but also incredibly telling of an editor’s level of shot consistency.

It never becomes entertaining to watch, not even in a so-bad-it’s-good kind of way. As bad as Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey is, there is at least an ironic enjoyment one can get out of it, but not so much with Assassin Club, which significantly lowers the bar for schlocky action movies that should have been reserved for streaming or on-demand instead of being projected onto a big screen. It isn’t like the overall quality would have improved on a smaller screen, but putting a film as shockingly bad as this into cinemas feels like the biggest insult of all. Avoid this at all costs, and for the love of God go watch John Wick: Chapter 4 again instead.

SO, TO SUM UP…

Assassin Club is an embarrassingly bad action thriller that is compiled of generic plotting, poorly-written dialogue, bad performances by otherwise talented actors, and some absolutely atrocious direction and editing that generates some of the most unwatchable action to grace the big screen in years.

Assassin Club is now showing in cinemas nationwide – click here to find showtimes near you!