DIRECTORS: Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman
CAST: Owen Wilson, Michael Peña, Jesse Williams, Walker Scobell, Momona Tamada, Keith L. Williams, Abby James Witherspoon, Kezii Curtis
RUNNING TIME: 104 mins
CERTIFICATE: PG
BASICALLY…: A young boy (Scobell) discovers that his father (Wilson) is a superhero…
NOW FOR THE REVIEW…
For some, superhero fatigue seems to have already settled in, with the last couple of Marvel movies getting some mixed feedback from critics and audiences, and the less said about the state of affairs at DC right now, the better (on that note, #ReleaseBatgirl). Those people will be especially put off by Secret Headquarters, a would-be franchise starter that plays entirely within the familiar superhero rulebook and offers precious few outside of what audiences have come to expect by now.
However, while the movie isn’t an entirely smooth ride even for those who are still very much up for superhero blockbusters, it’s easy to see the appeal towards its tween audience, in the same way that something like Spy Kids was to children more than twenty years ago. That being said, it’s unlikely that Secret Headquarters will really leave a lasting impression in most audiences’ heads.
The film, directed and co-written by Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman, focuses on young Charlie (Walker Scobell), an average kid who isn’t too excited about spending time with his father Jack (Owen Wilson), who is barely around due to what he believes is boring old work. When Jack has to leave yet again, Charlie invites some friends over – his best mate Berger (Keith L. Williams), peppy girl Lizzie (Abby James Witherspoon), and Charlie’s past crush Maya (Momona Tamada) – where they discover the entrance to a hi-tech headquarters, located underneath the house. From all the gadgets and gizmos aplenty, Charlie deduces that his father is actually a famous superhero known as The Guard, which explains why he’s always away “working”, but unbeknownst to him and his friends, evil tech head Ansel Argon (Michael Peña) and a small military team are closing in on the base, forcing the kids to use their newfound tech and stop the central alien technology from falling into the wrong hands.
This was originally planned for a theatrical release, but then plans changed, and boom – it’s now a Paramount+ original movie. Honestly, though, it makes sense that Secret Headquarters is debuting on streaming, because the way that it’s shot, written, acted and even structured, it’s almost like an extended pilot for a family-friendly series more than an actual standalone movie. It isn’t heavily ambitious with its sets, effects, designs, or camerawork, since much of it looks and feels like the filmmakers were severely limited with what they could show on-screen, without resorting to cartoonish CGI or moments that are clearly ripping off other big-brand superheroes (the main superhero in this movie is basically Iron Man, only if also he had Green Lantern’s origin story). The characters, particularly the kids, are ones that wouldn’t feel out of place in a Nickelodeon sitcom, since some of them can be over-the-top and even come with their own catchphrases, and are left to feel intentionally underdeveloped as though they were to be further explored in potential future episodes. If it were indeed a pilot, then that would be one thing – unfortunately, this is intended as a movie (and, until recently, a theatrically-released one), and since it leaves so much to be desired with its low ambition and relatively minor consequences, it doesn’t quite work as one.
Admittedly, though, there are sections when the appeal of this movie does shine through. For a small chunk, we see these kids using some of the cool tech gear that they find in the titular secret headquarters, for juvenile things like cheating on tests and taking this hero’s equivalent of the Batmobile out for a joyride. In these moments, you can feel a sense of fun that young kids will surely pick up on because, well, what kid these days DOESN’T want to have access to gadgetry like transportation frisbees or jet backpacks? It’s a similar kind of wish-fulfilment one gets when watching something like Spy Kids, where it’s so much fun watching these young characters goof around with nifty things that, even for the briefest of moments, you also want to insert yourself into this extreme playtime, no matter how dangerous it gets. I can definitely see kids enjoying this movie for that reason, and it might just be enough for them to have a good time with it.
The rest of the movie, though, is mostly just basic superhero templates rolled into one. It’s too redundant to have much of its own identity, and it’s too unambitious to warrant a feature-length story with actual stakes and consequences, which again makes it perfectly compatible for streaming rather than cinemas. To go on any further would be pointless, as you have already probably forgotten nearly everything about it, and aside from its brief moments of fun it’s not memorable enough to drudge up any particular memories of it.
SO, TO SUM UP…
Secret Headquarters is a mostly redundant and unambitious superhero movie, with production qualities and overall writing that suggests it’s a better fit as a series pilot than a feature-length film, and lacks anything truly memorable for it to have any real lasting power, outside of some occasionally fun moments where it could potentially be enjoyed by its target kid audience.
